A few months ago, I decided I wanted a new logo. I wanted to distance myself from the pageant image. I didn't want to seem like I was one of those girls that was stuck in her "glory days." I spent the next few weeks deciding on a new color scheme and new concept and was ready to rebrand my business. Then one night, I was rearranging my office and adding a gallery wall where I proudly displayed my worn and torn Miss Nebraska USA sash and my illustration of my Miss USA gown. Right next to my computer I placed my crown and a notecard of my logo. I realized my crown and sash are more than just a piece of my past, they are a reflection of an entirely different side of me, a side that I need to be reminded of from time to time.
To understand completely, I have to take you way back and give you a glimpse of who I am. For those of you who don't really know me, I am a huge introvert. My ideal night is staying at home in my pajamas, no makeup, sketch pad in hand, and a chick flick on TV. Very glamourous. Growing up, I was always painfully shy. When I was fifteen my mom took me to a modeling agency that opened up close to my house. Before I knew it, I was signed and thrown into classes. Looking back, my classes were a lot like finishing school. It completely changed my life and began to shape who I am. I never had any dreams of being a model; I was in a few fashion shows and a couple of commercials, but more than anything it was something to fill my time. Luckily I joined when the agency first opened and In the early days it was filled with great people and good opportunities. Less than a year or so later, it would completely fall apart and become a total scam.
Even though it was something I never thought I would do, I really enjoyed taking classes! It forced me out of my comfort zone and gave me my first taste of confidence. Public speaking was my biggest fear, but after being shoved onstage to recite monologues week after week I began to creep out of it. I had classes where I learned how to do my hair and makeup, learned how to network, and worked with some amazing people. I think that was the greatest part about the whole experience- the people that I met. I felt comfortable putting myself out there because the people in my classes were so supportive. It was at this agency were I met my friend Danielle, who would convince me to compete in my first pageant.
Before modeling I was a member of Omaha Theater Ballet's Junior Company. I spent almost all my time dancing. I would have at least three hours of ballet classes six times a week, and if I had a show, like the Nutcracker, it would sometimes be seven days a week. After a few years of strictly dancing, I developed bad hips, and quite frankly, I was burnt out. I decided to stop dancing so seriously when I began to fill my schedule with more modeling. With dancing and modeling you are told what to do, how to act, and who to be. You are a canvas, a prop, or a character. The thing that intrigued me about pageants is that: 1. I got to perform onstage again, which I always loved, and 2. I got to be myself. I was allowed to walk onstage as Ellie Lorenzen, not Ellie: model #3 or Ellie: Dancing Icicle. My thoughts and personality actually mattered!
I signed up for Miss Nebraska Teen USA when I was seventeen years old. I thought that, if anything, I would get to spend a fun weekend with Danielle! She lived far away from me so we didn't get to see each other very often. I really had no idea what to expect. To my surprise I finished 2nd Runner up and won the Interview Award! To me, that was as big of an accomplishment as winning the pageant! I walked away from that pageant feeling like a winner. Not only did I have the greatest weekend of my life, but I received a $48,000 scholarship to the school I would attend two years later, met my future college roommate, and most importantly gained a sense of confidence that would fuel me for the rest of my life.
I would compete for the title again the following year, placing the same, and to be completely honest, I felt somewhat defeated. Competing in pageants is such a personal thing. In any other competition you know who the winner is. It's the person who crosses the finish line first or the one who scores the most points. But when it comes to pageants, it's not a skill, it's you. It's your thoughts and beliefs, what you look like, I mean, how subjective is that!? I'll be the first one to admit that pageants are unbelievably bizarre. You put yourself out there to be ranked by five random so called "qualified" people, who ultimately have the power to change your life forever. Weird.
But like I said, it is very personal and I didn't take it lightly. I had something to prove. I knew I could be Miss Nebraska USA, it was just a matter of time...
Lots of love,
